Do you ever feel guilty about turning down invitations or requests? If so, here are five things that can help you learn how to say no with kindness and grace.
We only have 24 hours in a day, a third of which we need for sleep. We’re also bound by our bodies that require to be fed, rested and taken care of. If we took in everything that life throws at us, all the information, requests, invitations and ideas, we’d be constantly overwhelmed. Our brains would hit the fight-or-flight mode all the time. Declining the influx of these commitments is a fundamental way to stay sane.
So let’s shift the perspective from ‘no’ to ‘yes’. You can start reclaiming your time and prioritise your mental wellbeing when you tune into what it is that you’d really like to do.
STEP 1. CONDUCT A SELF-AUDIT
I feel that if anyone wants to get serious about saying no, first, they have to create awareness around all the time, energy and money they’ve spent agreeing to things they could have easily declined.
How many coffees have you had with people you didn’t want to hang out with?
How many job offers have you accepted even though you felt they were below your expectations?
How many parties have you sat through silently praying for them to be over?
How much money have you spent agreeing to some fluffy offers because you didn’t want to be confrontational?
Realising that your resources are not limitless is a starting point for decluttering your schedule. Go through your calendar and your to-do list. How do your commitments reflect your priorities in life? Is there anything you could take off that list?Are there any uncomfortable “no, thank you” email you’ve been postponing? Take a note of anything that’s out of alignment.
Now, you can start practising saying no more often.
STEP 2. PAUSE BEFORE YOU SPEAK
Since saying yes seems like the easiest, more natural and pleasant answer, often, we agree to do things for people, believing we can somehow get out of things later.
By pausing for a moment, you’re allowing your mind to attune to this new habit. Imagine that your “no” is showing kindness to another person. It’s much better to decline than to accept and fail to deliver.
STEP 3. PRACTISE SAYING NO TO YOURSELF
In addition to saying no to other people, you can also practise saying no and setting firm boundaries with your own self-imposed duties and expectations.
Look at your calendar and your to-do list. Then think about all the things you think you shouldbe doing. Does it all feel essential? If so, try to challenge this belief. You can even test it by doing a small experiment: Choose one small thing from your to-do list … and then don’t do it.
Pay attention to what happens. What are the consequences? Was it really as important as you thought? How did you feel when you skipped the task?
I know this might feel scary but guess what? If you’re busy and overscheduled, then you’re probably not getting everything done anyway.
Remember, we all have limits. Something has to give—so why not take control and make an intentional choice? YOU decide what’s least important instead of rolling the dice.
STEP 4. TRUST YOUR GUT
Your body is the compass. You can learn to recognise what saying yes and no feel like for you—you’ll sense it in your gut or heart space. Uncomfortable decisions often leave us paralysed with fear, suffering from stomach aches, headaches or tense muscles. These are all signals of a full-body NO.
For example, when you receive an invitation and know that you’re really busy on that day, analyse: “How does my body feel when I think of doing this?” Or similar, when someone asks you a favour, check your body’s first, instinctual reaction.
By trusting our gut more often, we can shift the blame and feel less guilty about saying no.
コメント